Asking Too Much of Your Child: When High Standards Turn Harmful

12 May 2025

Are You Pushing Too Hard?

Let’s be real—every parent wants their kid to be successful. We dream about them excelling in school, shining in sports, and maybe even delivering a tear-jerking speech at their Ivy League graduation. But here’s the million-dollar question: Are we expecting too much?

The line between encouraging and overwhelming is razor-thin, and if you don’t pay attention, you might tip the scales toward unrealistic expectations. So, let’s talk about it. Are we setting our kids up for greatness? Or are we low-key ruining their childhood with impossible standards?

The Pressure Cooker Childhood

Ever seen a pressure cooker do its thing? The steam builds, the tension rises, and if you don’t release that valve in time—BOOM. That’s your child on unrealistic expectations.

Kids today are stressed out of their minds. Between school, extracurriculars, and the pressure to be basically perfect, their little brains are working overtime. The worst part? Many of them feel like no matter what they do, they’ll never measure up.

If your child is constantly anxious, emotionally drained, or avoiding activities they once loved, you might be expecting way too much.

The Difference Between High Standards and Unrealistic Expectations

Let’s make one thing clear: Having high standards isn’t the enemy. Kids need goals. They need parents who believe in them, push them, and encourage them to be their best. But there’s a massive difference between healthy ambition and setting the bar so high that your child needs a ladder (and a miracle) to reach it.

Healthy Ambition Looks Like:

✅ Encouraging effort over perfection
✅ Allowing room for failure and growth
✅ Focusing on progress, not just results
✅ Supporting rather than pressuring

Unrealistic Expectations Look Like:

❌ Expecting perfection every time
❌ Punishing mistakes instead of teaching through them
❌ Overloading their schedule with no downtime
❌ Making them feel like success equals worth

If that second list made you shift in your seat, it’s time for some re-evaluation.

The Harm of Over-the-Top Expectations

We don’t often think about the collateral damage of expecting the impossible. But trust me, it’s there. And it’s ugly.

1. Anxiety Through the Roof

Kids under constant pressure don’t just feel stressed; they develop actual anxiety disorders. They start dreading school, melting down over tests, and experiencing crippling self-doubt.

2. Loss of Confidence

When a child feels like they’ll never be "good enough," their self-esteem plummets. No amount of praise will fix a kid who believes they’ll never reach your sky-high standards.

3. Burnout Before Adulthood

We talk about workplace burnout all the time, but guess what? Kids can burn out too. If every waking moment is filled with responsibilities and expectations, they’ll eventually crash—and not in a good way.

4. Resentment Towards You

Yep, let’s rip off that bandaid. Your child might grow to resent you if they feel like your love is tied to their achievements. Nobody wants that, right?

How to Find the Balance

So, how do we push them without crushing them? It’s all about balance—like a perfectly made latte, except instead of frothy milk and espresso, it's encouragement and support.

1. Pay Attention to Their Limits

Not every kid is built to be a straight-A student or a world-class athlete. And that’s okay. Recognize their strengths and weaknesses.

2. Listen to What They Want

Your child might not want to be the next Beethoven or Serena Williams. Maybe they want to paint, play video games, or just be a kid. Their interests matter. Listen to them.

3. Praise the Effort, Not Just the Outcome

When you only celebrate wins, kids develop a fear of failure. Instead, praise their effort and resilience. Teach them that mistakes are stepping stones, not disasters.

4. Let Them Fail (Yes, Really!)

Failure is the best teacher. If we shield our kids from every failure, how will they ever learn to bounce back? Let them struggle, work through it, and figure things out.

5. Create Downtime

Guess what? Kids need time to do absolutely nothing. Overloading them with constant structure kills creativity and joy. Unstructured playtime is essential for their development.

When to Step Back

If any of these sound familiar, it might be time to back off a little:

✔️ Your child dreads activities they once loved
✔️ They exhibit signs of stress (headaches, stomachaches, trouble sleeping)
✔️ They seem withdrawn or overly anxious
✔️ You’re constantly nagging or fighting over performance
✔️ They never seem happy or at ease

If you’re nodding along right now, this is your wake-up call.

Final Thoughts: Let Them Be Kids

At the end of the day, kids need love and support more than they need a perfect transcript or a trophy shelf. Push them to grow, but don’t suffocate them with pressure.

Because guess what? Your child isn’t a project. They’re a person. And they deserve a childhood filled with joy, exploration, and a little bit of carefree magic—not just expectations they’re too exhausted to meet.

So, take a deep breath, ease up on the pressure, and let your kid be a kid. You’ll both be better for it.