How to Manage Sibling Jealousy in Twins or Multiples

30 October 2025

Parenting twins or multiples is like being the referee of an ongoing championship match—there’s drama, there’s rivalry, and there’s a whole lot of "But I had it first!" moments. While it’s adorable to see them bond, the green-eyed monster of jealousy can sneak in fast and turn your peaceful home into a WWE arena.

So, how do you balance fairness, encourage individuality, and keep the sibling rivalry in check? Let’s dive in!

Why Do Twins or Multiples Get Jealous?

Siblings, in general, have their moments of rivalry, but twins and multiples take it to another level. Why? Because they’re constantly compared—to each other, by family, by teachers, and even by strangers at the grocery store.

Here are some common reasons jealousy sparks between them:

- Constant Comparisons – "Why can't you behave like your sister?" (Cringe!)
- Attention Battles – When parents unknowingly favor one child’s needs over the other.
- Differences in Abilities – If one twin is naturally gifted in a skill, the other might feel overshadowed.
- Possession Wars – Everything from toys to personal space becomes a battleground.
- Social Dynamics – If one twin makes more friends or receives more praise, jealousy can sprout.

But fear not! With a few strategies, you can help your little darlings love each other (most of the time).

13 Ways to Handle Sibling Jealousy in Twins or Multiples

1. Avoid the Comparison Trap

Comparing twins is an easy mistake, but it’s also the fastest way to ignite rivalry. Instead of saying, "Look how neatly your brother finishes his homework," try, "I love how you both bring your unique strengths to the table!" This small shift in wording can make a huge difference.

2. Celebrate Their Individuality

Twins may share the same birthday, but they’re still unique individuals. Encourage each child's interests, whether it’s ballet, soccer, or building an empire out of LEGOs. Give them room to shine separately so they don’t feel the need to compete for identity.

3. Quality One-on-One Time

Each child thrives on undivided attention. Set aside special Mommy-and-Me or Daddy-and-Me time for each twin, even if it’s just a 15-minute chat before bedtime. When kids feel valued individually, jealousy takes a backseat.

4. Teach the Art of Taking Turns

Taking turns is a life skill, and it’s especially crucial for twins and multiples. Whether it’s choosing a bedtime story or deciding who gets the last piece of cake, create fair systems (like a rotating schedule). This eliminates the constant "It’s not fair!" arguments.

5. Reinforce Teamwork, Not Rivalry

Encourage teamwork by using phrases like, "You’re such a great team!" or setting up cooperative games where they work together towards a common goal. Make them allies instead of competitors.

6. Praise Effort Over Outcomes

Instead of saying, "Wow! You won the race!", try "I loved how much effort you both put into that race!" This helps both children feel valued, no matter who crosses the finish line first.

7. Give Individual Responsibilities

Assign different responsibilities to each child so they don’t feel like clones of each other. Let one be in charge of setting the table while the other waters the plants. A little distinction eases jealousy.

8. Encourage Open Conversations

Let them express their feelings. If one child says, "You always spend more time with her," acknowledge it and adjust accordingly. Emphasize that it’s okay to feel jealous sometimes, but learning how to handle it is key.

9. Let Them Solve Their Own Disputes

As tempting as it is to intervene every time they fight, try stepping back a little. Teach problem-solving skills so they can resolve conflicts themselves (without turning the living room into a wrestling ring).

10. Avoid Labeling Them

Even seemingly harmless labels like "the smart one" and "the funny one" can create lasting resentment. Keep labels out of the equation and let them both define who they are.

11. Be Fair, But Not Identical

Fairness doesn’t mean treating them exactly the same—it means giving them what they need. If one child needs a new pair of shoes, don’t feel pressured to buy something for the other just to keep the peace. Teach them that fairness isn’t always about equality.

12. Encourage Separate Friendships

It’s great when twins are besties, but they also need their own friends. Allow them to explore friendships separately so they don’t feel like they must compete for social status.

13. Model Healthy Conflict Resolution

Kids learn by example. If they see you and your partner resolving disagreements calmly, they’ll pick up better conflict management skills. Less yelling, more problem-solving = happy twins!

What If Jealousy Gets Out of Hand?

Even with great parenting, sibling jealousy can sometimes spiral. If one twin consistently feels left out, unheard, or gets aggressive, it might be time to step in with professional guidance. A child therapist can provide coping strategies to help manage emotions in a healthy way.

Final Thoughts

Sibling jealousy among twins and multiples is inevitable, but it’s not unbeatable. With a mix of love, patience, and a whole lot of humor, you can help your little duo (or trio…or squad) grow up appreciating their unique bond rather than resenting each other.

Remember: It’s not about making them identical in every way—it’s about helping them feel equally loved in their own special way. And when in doubt, just remind them that no matter what, they’ll always have a built-in best friend (whether they like it or not!).