The Dangers of Overpraising Your Kids

22 June 2025

We all want the best for our children. We want them to grow up happy, confident, and feeling loved. And let’s be honest—we want to be the kind of parents who cheer the loudest at their soccer games, hang every crayon-scribbled drawing on the fridge, and proudly declare, “That’s my kid!”

But here's the kicker: sometimes, too much of that praise can backfire. Yep, there’s such a thing as too much of a good thing. Overpraising your kids might feel right in the moment, but it can lead to some unintended consequences that could impact them for years to come.

Let’s unpack this idea together and figure out how to strike the right balance.

What Is Overpraising?

Before diving into the dangers, let’s define what we mean by overpraising. Overpraising isn’t just about giving compliments—because let’s face it, encouragement is important. The issue lies in constant, excessive, or empty praise.

It’s saying “You’re amazing!” every time your child picks up their toys. Or “You’re so smart!” for finishing homework. It’s the kind of praise that’s generic, over-the-top, and not tied to real effort or achievements.

Think of it like sugar: a little now and then is fine—even sweet. But too much? It causes more harm than good.

The Psychology Behind Praise

Praise, when done right, can boost a child’s motivation and self-esteem. But when it’s overdone, it can actually train children to become praise-dependent. They stop doing things because they're meaningful or enjoyable and start doing them just to hear you say "Good job!"

Kids can sniff out excessive praise, too. And once they catch on, it loses its meaning—and its impact.

1. Creates Fragile Self-Esteem

Ironically, too much praise can harm the very confidence you’re trying to build. When kids are constantly told they’re great, they may begin to fear making mistakes. They tie their sense of worth to being “perfect,” and when they inevitably mess up (because hey, that’s life), they fall apart.

Instead of bouncing back and learning from failure, they might retreat completely. Why? Because they’re afraid they won't live up to the overly high expectations set by all that praise.

Tip: Focus on praising effort, not outcome. Try saying, “I noticed how hard you worked on that puzzle!” instead of “You’re the smartest kid ever!”

2. Promotes a Fixed Mindset

Ever heard of the concept of a fixed vs. growth mindset? Overpraising often encourages a fixed mindset—where kids believe their abilities are set in stone.

If you’re always saying things like “You’re such a natural artist!” they may think they either have it or they don’t. That creates a fear of challenges. Why try something new if failing means they’re not actually talented?

A growth mindset, on the other hand, teaches kids that they can get better with effort, practice, and perseverance.

Tip: Say things like, “You kept at that drawing even when it got tricky!” instead of focusing on how naturally talented they are.

3. Kills Internal Motivation

Remember the joy of doing something just because you love it? That’s intrinsic motivation, and it’s incredibly powerful.

But when kids are flooded with praise for every little thing, they can start relying on external validation. Suddenly, the joy of reading a book takes a backseat to hearing you say “Great reading!”

Eventually, they might lose interest in the activity altogether if you're not there cheering them on.

Tip: Ask them how they felt about an activity instead of immediately praising them. “Did you enjoy building that LEGO tower?” helps them tune into their own feelings, not just your approval.

4. Encourages People-Pleasing

Let’s be real—kids want to make their parents happy. But overpraising can turn them into chronic people-pleasers. They may start doing things not because it’s right or even what they want, but because they want praise.

Imagine a teen too afraid to try a new sport or hobby because they’re worried they won’t get the same praise they used to. Or worse, they choose activities they don’t enjoy just to keep your approval coming.

Tip: Encourage choices based on their interests, not on what makes you proud. Respect their individuality—even if it’s not what you expected.

5. Leads to Entitlement

If everything they do is “amazing” or “the best,” don’t be surprised when they start expecting trophies for showing up.

Overpraising can warp kids’ understanding of effort, reward, and reality. They may come to expect praise even when they haven’t put in much work. In adulthood, that could translate into frustrations in school, work, and relationships.

Life won’t always hand out ribbons, and kids need to learn that early.

Tip: Let them experience healthy doses of disappointment. It teaches resilience and helps them grow.

6. Undermines Authenticity

You know what’s really powerful? When kids feel seen and understood for who they truly are—not just praised for what they produce.

Overpraising can make children feel like they have to perform or put on a mask to get your love and attention. That’s a slippery slope.

When the praise isn't genuine or is too constant, kids might start thinking: “Do I have to be perfect all the time to be loved?”

Tip: Connect with who they are, not just what they do. Saying things like, “I love spending time with you,” goes a long way.

7. Makes Praise Lose Its Value

Here’s a tough truth: If everything is “awesome,” then nothing is special.

When praise becomes automatic, kids start tuning it out. It’s like background noise. Or worse—they get suspicious and stop trusting compliments altogether. “You’re just saying that 'cause you’re my mom.”

Meaningful praise should feel like a warm spotlight—not a floodlight on all the time.

Tip: Save praise for moments that truly deserve it. Be specific and intentional.

What to Do Instead? Give “Smart Praise”

So, how do we encourage our kids without going overboard?

Here's a quick cheat sheet for giving “smart praise”:

- Be Specific: Instead of “Good job!” say “I really liked how you explained your answer.”
- Praise Effort Over Outcome: “You worked really hard on that project” beats “You’re a genius!”
- Encourage Self-Reflection: Ask, “How did that feel?” or “What part was the hardest?”
- Celebrate Growth: Point out how much they’ve improved, even if it’s just a small step.
- Be Honest: Kids appreciate sincerity. Keep it real.

Final Thoughts

Parenting is a tricky balancing act. We want to boost our kids up but not launch them into the clouds without a parachute. A little bit of praise, delivered the right way, can go a long, long way.

The goal? Raise kids who are confident, resilient, and internally motivated—not just praise junkies chasing the next “attaboy.”

So next time your little one shows you their drawing, resist the urge to blurt out “You’re a little Picasso!” Instead, try something like, “I can see how much detail you added here—tell me about this part.” That kind of response not only acknowledges the effort but invites connection too.

And in the end, isn’t that what parenting’s really about?